Were it a trade union or anything close to that, it could
most likely than not be top in the list both in frequency and overall number of
industrial actions. Still if learning from other people’s experiences was the surest and most effective
way to gauge the level of prudence as the old and those who claimed to have a great
share of wits once put it, then marriage and relationships is one treacherous path
I would choose never to trend on. Family was a God instituted and initialized union
- that I believe holistically. However, I wonder gauging from the current state
of events whether God is really a part of these “mergers”. Yes I believe God is
and should be the core ingredient of any relationship, but it would be kidding
to tell me that by any chance God is part those heinous manifestations that are
prevalent in the current day relations. Chances then are, people are not sufficiently
cognizant of who God is and what He is capable of doing. He initiated relations
and I believe respects them and so we cannot blame Him in event of such fraudulent associations.
As far as I can recall, several years back, if I was given a
choice between celibacy and marriage by default I would straightforwardly
settle for the latter, but today the same would be a dilemma. Marriage from a
mum’s and dad’s view was one captivating thing, essentially if my memory serves
me right we had these dummy weddings as kids for every break we had out of
class because we esteemed what we saw from our parents.
Today I read about and envy those days when fidelity levels
in relation leading to, and marriages was among the litmus test against which
public office holders were appraised by the voters. Those days when just like
the duping test and athletes, many big charismatic political icons were
vehemently tumbled down for harboring dubious relations outside matrimony.
Remember President Bill Clinton’s dalliance with Monica Lewinsky which was explicitly
described day after day and which later led to his impeachment?! Any seemingly
lewd conduct from a public office holder that come to the public domain (and
which in most cases did) was like a volley of bullets on ones forehead that had
a predetermined result – demise of the political career. However, such scandal-tarred
politicians today seem to be the major ingredient in political icing, we the
voters don’t ever even seem to notice them or maybe we can’t stand the guilt of
criticizing engagements we also plunged in! Consequently, this has gradually
trickled down from the political pinnacle and the reality is, a best portion of
the population is now marred by such affairs. Today, clandestine relationships
are things people are indiscriminately engaging in, talking about over drinks
in condominium rendezvous and worst still even calling in radio stations with
no shred of temerity to confess about.
We have heard of all sort of experiences that happen within the
confines of these relations, some worse than scenes of a horror movies, so
egregious I believe, to trigger a quiver to even the fiends. We hear and watch them
on broadcast media, read about them on the print media and for some, have the
‘privilege’ of seeing them one on one; a
couple die in a love triangle (whatever that means), a daughter kills her
guardian, man rapes his three year old daughter, woman’s plot to kill her
husband is tipped off to the police, man shots his wife and three kids then
commits suicide, man in custody on allegations of rapping and stabbing his
‘lover’ severely, a woman batters her husband over extramarital affair …, and
the list is endless. Essentially this has become piece we can’t miss on any
news item and as one would put it there is little to smile about in the current
day relations.
Have interacted with a good deal of my obvious bachelor
friends (birds of the same feather) and a bigger percentage seems to have
joined in this chorus of, “I would rather live a celibate like Paul of the holy
book”. However, before my hammer rested
on the gong to mark my eventual inclination I thought engaging with them that
have successfully swam across this seemingly alligator infested river would
help. Reality is, few of them especially the writers seems to have no clear
explanation of how exactly they actualized it, for most it’s mystery that is
culminated by the phrase like, “we somewhat made it”. Consequently the whole
issue has become a stand out paradox, reliable research has it that, there is a
high number of entrants into marriage relations and an immensely bloating
number of those exiting, with at least one divorce case filled in a court of
law each and every day. With generous
number of years still lingering I hope to somewhat find a satisfactorily
enlightenment to this touchy concern. Nonetheless, my worry is for those that
would what a satisfactory response now or now.
If you took a risk of
doing an intent research on the number of people who are not contented and doomed
by their relations and if statistics is anything to go by, in the first five
minutes of your research you will be amazed by the number of confessions from
diverse number of people that are held in the servers strewn across the globe.
In the same five minutes of your study you will also out-and-out appreciate the
fundamental need for caution while handling relationship issues. If you are
cynical enough you will swear to yourself and by all deities never to be part
of any kind of relationship not to mention the regrets for the
progesterone/estrogen deposits sited deep down in your DNA and whose control
you sparingly have. For the passionate
about relations you will join in the song, “you got be a conscious man/woman
when falling in love” until that time you decide to culminate your research
because chances are you cannot do even a quarter of the electronic materials
available for crosscheck. If up to this point you are thinking am out to scare
you, your name has successfully found its way in the manuscript of weaklings and
if you thinking of restructuring your approach to the whole relationship issue
then you got it flawlessly right!
Close scrutiny and counter scrutiny has revealed innumerable
number of reasons that have seemingly led to the current state of affairs in matrimonies.
Among them:
Lack of appropriate
consultation
A one renown writer and humorists Mark Twain Wrote, “when I
was fourteen my father was so ignorant I could hardly bear him, but the time I
was twenty one I was amazed to see how much he had learned in only seven
years”. This is the kind of attitude folks seem to harbor about people who
should otherwise guide them, may be blinded by or blind for love and before you
recover from the blindness and irrational
ego, you are in the middle of a
quagmire. As you wade through the mud (this time alone) to self-recovery you
have not only wasted time but left with only one option blaring to your ears
–divorce. While, you may have learned sufficiently through own experience but
with your name in the list of fools for obvious reason - not learning from wise
counsel and other people experiences.
Making of uninformed
decisions
I remember the words of one peer counsellor who once advised
us that, if the motive of any action is not morally upright and well-grounded
so will be the decision. It this that has kept me firmly grounded for the past twenty
years have been around and I believe still will for the possibly next twenty years
to come before such a decision is made. Research shows that people get into
marriages for various imprudent reasons among them: financial instability,
social insecurity and desire to share responsibilities. When such expectations
are not meet then divorce and other heinous acts results. If motives are right
you have it right, otherwise you could be trending on a very dangerous path.
“The little side
dish” -infidelity
We may put up all theories and jerky philosophies to
rationalize this but one fact still holds, unfaithfulness from whatsoever angle
of view whether in relations or unions is a wicked thing. I have relentlessly
tried to question a few people on how and why this results and apart from the
usual selfish validation of the practice from some, the few among them that were
genuine had always this to say, “You will sufficiently get to know when time
comes”. While, until that time comes if it will ever come then I beg to put a
period on this.
False fallacy that
relationships are a stroll in the park
We need to agree in unison that there are certain things we
see and which can only happen where we see them, Hollywood relationships for
example. Some things are best acted and not unless you want to ‘act’ a
relationship then some primitive prospects about relationships you need to drop
them and avoid them like any contagious ailment. Nothing comes on a silver
platter, like success, I believe relations are natured from consistent
discipline and outright commitment. They are full of ups and downs and marred
with shocks that you need to learn how to absorb and even recover from.
Essentially, getting into one courtesy of the research is accepting that you
got adequate torque to counter such adversaries.
Wrong intents for getting into relationships
If you aren’t in a cult then I utterly believe the
stipulations and expectations of marriage relations are comprehensively
dictated in your religious books. Live by them, you are safe, ditch them and
you then get an equal share of the troubles.
